When I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to breast feed and I knew that there was a chance that I wouldn't be able to. Several women I knew who recently had children couldn't and were devastated, so I thought it best to prepare myself and even bought some formula for when we brought baby home (just in case).

My mom breastfed me until I was three years old and did the same for my brother and sister. Despite it being the 80's when it was believed that breast milk was inadequate and formula was the only way to go, my mom trusted her intuition and breastfed all of us until we were old enough to ask for it. The result? A kick ass immune system and zero allergies. I honestly can't remember the last time I was sick.

I desperately wanted to do the same for my child. When I booked my C-Section, I was assured that it would not interfere with breast feeding. The hormones that make milk kick in when the placenta is removed from the uterus and not from labour or anything else. When I got to the hospital, I made sure everyone from the parking lot attendant to the triage nurse knew that I would be exclusively breast feeding - my baby was not to get a drop of formula. They completely respected my wishes.

Immediately after my operation the nurses asked me if I wanted to feed. They helped me put Sommer into a comfortable position and showed me how to get her to latch on. It was really awkward and she really wasn't into it. It looked like I would suffocate my child with my enormous breast, and my nipple was flat and much too large for her tiny little mouth. But we tried, and tried and tried and tried.

I expected my milk would "come in" a couple of days post delivery. It didn't. On Sommer's second night in this world, she was still latching but not getting anything and was really fussy. The nurse at the hospital suggested giving her a bit of formula just to satisfy her while we waited for my milk. I quickly agreed - she had lost quite a bit of weight and I was worried my desire to breastfeed was inadvertently starving my child. I asked about nipple confusion and the nurse said as long as I had the baby latch on to both sides before giving the bottle it would be ok.

We came home from the hospital and still....nothing. My boobs weren't any bigger, they didn't feel hard, none of the things I heard happened to your breasts after you had a baby were happening to me. We kept supplementing, and I eagerly awaited our appointment at the Maternal Newborn clinic so we could get our issues licked once and for all.

At the Maternal Newborn clinic we learned that the baby had lost more weight. The nurse made me feel horrible, questioning how often we were feeding her and making me feel like I was starving my child. She had me feed Sommer through the entire appointment and when that was done, she gave Nick a bottle of formula to give her right then and there. I sat there, watching my baby gulp down the formula as though she had never ate before, feeling like a complete failure.

When we left, I was told to feed Sommer every two hours, waking her if I had to. Because she had taken so much of the formula, when I went to wake her, she had no interest in eating. Her tummy was still full and she just wanted to sleep. I let her be until she let me know she was hungry again.

I felt awful. We were giving the baby formula after every feeding and were scheduled to go back to the maternal newborn clinic for another follow up appointment. At this appointment, I was once again instructed to feed throughout the appointment. The nurse let me know the latch was good, we were in proper position, and the problem was most likely low milk supply. She weighed Sommer before and after the feeding and we learned she was only getting 10 ml from me. While Nick gave her formula the nurse had me pump, yielding barely anything. Her advice was to breastfeed, supplement, and then pump myself dry after every feeding. I had to do this every two hours.

That weekend, we told everyone we didn't want any visitors and I got to the business of breast feeding. I lasted all night Friday and all day Saturday. Every two hours I breast fed on each side (this took about an hour total), supplemented, and then pumped. When I was done pumping, it was time to feed again. This meant I was not sleeping at all. At 5 am Sunday morning, I fell asleep while rinsing off my pump. I woke up standing at my sink to find that I had completely immersed the motor of the pump in water. I flipped out. Neither my husband nor I are working right now and we couldn't`t afford the $130 pump in the first place, and there I was ruining it. I felt awful, inadequate and lazy.

I went to bed feeling completely defeated. When Sommer woke for her next feeding, Nick took her and gave her a bottle of formula. I was so exhausted I didn't even notice. I woke up startled, four hours later, wondering what happened. When he told me how much formula he gave her I again, felt awful. WHY WASN'T THIS WORKING?

In the middle of all this, I hired a post par tum doula to help me. I would like to say that all she did was give me her conspiracy theories about the hospital, my c-section, formula companies and the World Health Organization. Then she tried to sell me a breast pump, nursing bras, and her home made slings. I couldn't get her out of my house fast enough.

We had Sommer`s first appointment with our family doctor a couple of days later. I spent the weekend an emotional wreck, trying to understand what I was doing wrong and researching everything I could to try and fix the problem. At the appointment, our Doctor asked if I was breastfeeding and I burst into tears. She told me that in order to successfully breastfeed, I needed rest. Staying up around the clock doing what I was doing to increase my supply was working against me because my body didn't have the energy it needed to make milk. She gave me a prescription for Domperidone, which is a stomach medicine that has a side effect of promoting lactation.

She also reassured me that giving the baby formula would not hurt her, as long as she got some breast milk she would experience the benefits, and that if that's what we had to do for me to get some rest and enjoy these first precious weeks with my baby, then that's what we had to do.

So, that's what we did. I noticed an immediate increase in my supply, but I'm not sure if it was from the rest I was finally getting or from the Domperidone. Either way, even with the increase I was having a hard time keeping up with my baby's growing appetite, so I continued doing research. I found a great breast feeding information web site, www.kellymom.com, where I learned about hospital grade pumps and how much more effective they can be for supply issues.

I found out where to rent the hospital grade pump locally and within two weeks, my supply issues were taken care of. In the past couple of days, the baby's formula intake has greatly reduced. Since the pump is so effective, we always have breast milk in the fridge to use for supplementing the one or two feedings a day where Sommer isn't completely satisfied by what I produce.

Breastfeeding has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am happy with the way things worked out. I love the mommy and baby bonding time we have at every feeding, and I am happy she takes a bottle so Nick can feed her every now and then. I am grateful that I am comfortable giving her formula because it gives me more freedom and allows me to get out of the house from time to time.