let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

-rob thomas (little wonders)

Sommer, you are my little wonder.  How did you go from this:

to this:




All I did was blink....and suddenly my tiny little ladybug that was so dependant on me for everything grew up.  Now you hardly need me.  You have teeth.  You can hold and use a cup.  You hold your own bottle and rarely let me hold you.  You hate being too hot and love the feeling of a super soft blanket on your face and bare skin.  You love being able to feed yourself and one of these days your are going to get that puff in your mouth, you are so determined to do it yourself it scares me sometimes.  But I understand.  I'm not a fan of letting other people do things for me, either.


You still make strange and are uncomfortable around new faces but you quickly warm up as long as you know I am around.  I love this about you, because it shows me that even though you are so independant, you do still need your momma.  And baby, I  will always be here for you when you are scared and caught off guard by something unfamiliar and frightening.


Lately I have been feeling a lot of guilt and regret.  We are in the homestretch for our separation from Daddy, and all I can think is have I been doing enough?  Do I give you enough attention?  Am I meeting all of your emotional needs?  There are days where we were up all night and had a million things to do that day and by the time five o'clock rolls around I am ready to throw in the towel....I put you in your exersaucer so I can get a minute's rest and immediately feel guilty...you don't understand what is happening and probably want mommy on the floor with you to play, and mommy is zoned out on the couch trying to get her energy back...but it's gone.  I let you play until you have had enough, give you your bath and put your pj's on, and lay you on your favourite fluffy blanket and cuddle with you while you have your last bottle.   You either fall asleep in my arms on the couch (this is my way of staying close to you since you HATE being held anymore) or I lay you in your crib.  You go to sleep so easily baby girl, it's amazing.   After I know you are soundly asleep, I go through the motions of doing my daily chores in a zombie-like state.  I'm lucky to have an amazing cleaning lady that comes every two weeks to do the deep cleaning, so I am really only left with the cat's crap (literally), the dishes, any small messes we made that day, the laundry and taking out the trash. 


Around 11 I crash, usually in my bed (though I always wake up in your room), trying to remember the day and repress the tidal wave of guilt that I feel when I just can't remember the things we did.



It helps to remember that we are in this together my sweet angel.  You are my partner in crime, my trusty side-kick, the Robin to my Batman.  And lately I've been getting the sense that you really enjoy our little routine we have established, even though it's starting to wind down.  Now that the warm weather is here I`d like to spend more time by the pool and less in a gym. And in six weeks, our little family will be together again.


We have quite the adventure ahead of us babygirl, and I am so lucky to have you here with me to experience it all.


Love you more than words can say my bug.